I'm an Organizer, and My House is Messy!

When people learn that I'm a Professional Organizer and Time Management Coach, some times they'll respond with a sort of bright-eyed awe: "Your home must be perfect!" 

Why, yes, my house is perfect.  But it's not what they think.

I smile and say: "That depends. What is your definition of perfection?" Then they throw certain phrases around, such as "everything in its place, neat and tidy, children playing with one toy at a time, no dirty dishes in the sink, no piles of paper", etc. 

Well, I've got news to share and I'm not one bit ashamed. A good portion of my house is MESSY a good portion of the time. Sure, it frustrates me, but I've sort of temporarily made my peace with it.  Here's how and why: 

It's Not Forever

The kids are 3 and 4.  I would love for them to read quietly in a corner sometimes, but they are not those kind of kids.  They are spirited, boisterous, inventive, and man are they busy! Their games look like elaborate barricades rivaling the French Revolution, involving every item in the house that isn't nailed down. We straighten up twice a day together, so they are learning to weigh whether its worth it or not to dump the Lego bucket again. But it only takes a few minutes of play for it look like a cyclone of Dust Bowl proportions just blew through. I  can only hope it gets more manageable as they grow, and not worse!

Guest bed turned boat.  The giggling captains are buried near the stern, port side.

There's 3 of Them, 1 of Me

We have a 3000 square foot house (too much I think!) and I'm the only party interested in straightening and cleaning it, and I'm at it every day.  I used to think this isn't fair, especially since my husband finds time to relax more than me.   But the big picture is that we function well as a family unit, and each of us brings different talents to the table. Steve works full time and is an involved parent.  He also searches for recipes, cooks every single delicious dinner, and shops for it too. Those kind of trade offs make us an effective team, especially since we hire no outside services to help us. That said, I can't keep up.  It's a big house that I straighten, but I straighten it alone.

It's a Choice

art class - mixing colors

I admire people who have made it a priority for a neat, company-ready house. My mom did it, and so did my grandmother.  It was a matter of pride to do so, and I applaud these super ladies! But simply put, that kind of fastidiousness not one of MY priorities at this time. It doesn't even make the top 10! In this household, I wear every hat imaginable, including running a small business, home improvement, and homeschooling  (until they are of public school age.) It is with deliberation that I choose how best to spend my resources to get things done. So do I stress over the flour still on the floor from baking cookies with little people? Not much.  

The Day Has to End

There are times that I'm stretched so thin, I could work well into the night every night and still have things to do. However, I don't think that would be physically possible for me. Many is the evening that I fall asleep flat on my face still fully dressed at 9 p.m.  It wasn't like this when I was 25 -  I had much more energy.  Now I'm 45 and there's a limit to my output. So to keep things balanced, I have taken a page out of my husband's book, and that is: the work day ends after we put the kids to bed. It's the only way we can stay borderline sane, and it works. After we say goodnight to the kids for the umpteenth time,  I might take on something outlandishly crazy like wash my hair. And if I want to read, work on a creative project, blog or do any thing else for myself, this small window of time is when I can squeeze it in.

So getting back to the intro, what does organized look like?  What you see in magazines, on social media sites, and in books on the subject, is a picture perfect IDEAL. Some people actually live this way and are delighted to do so; some achieve it right before company arrives. In a way, I'm grateful for this crazy idea that we have to live containerized lives because it compels people to call me for my services!  However whenever I can, I encourage my clients to forget this pre-defined ideal of organized perfection.  I recommend they concentrate on getting organized enough - enough to pay bills on time, find anything quickly, get out the door with minimal effort, keep a schedule that allows them to work on their dreams, purge the old, tired, ugly stuff for new energy, etc.  I help them create a balanced life they can maintain.  

Don't let the media, or a lifestyle guru, or anyone else dictate what organized looks like. Being organized is about living with purpose. 

In my mind, living with purpose IS perfection. 

I think there will be a time in the near future when the physical chaos of our own home will shift to something more manageable.  I do believe that neat(er) spaces foster creative energy, and provide soothing and calm places of relaxation. Until then, yes, my house is messy, but none-the-less perfect!

Work Through A Dibilitator - Striving for Perfection

Today I had two simple goals: start working on the website for my professional organizing business, and clean the house. In my planner, I dedicated the a.m. to web building (the best time of the day for me to take on new projects) and the afternoon for everything else. So simple.

I sat at the computer, armed with water, coffee and my best thinking music playing in the background. I was ready to rock the world wide web with my stupendously amazing site! Except I really wasn't ready at all. I sat there, staring at the screen, guzzling my beverages and replaying the music that was supposed to motivate me. I caught up on emails, cruised Facebook for awhile, and made a batch of really good pancakes. However, there was no progress made on the site, and half the morning was gone.

I had to change my strategy because what I was doing was NOT working. I had to do something productive or risk the possibility of losing the entire day. I put in some teeth whitening strips, set the timer for 1/2 hour, and started some housework.

In that 1/2 hour, I had a little talk with myself. I asked the same questions I might ask a client who was having a hard time getting started on a project:

What is holding you back?
Is it fear of failure? Fear of success?
Is it lack of experience?
Do you feel intimidated by the scope or complexity of the task?
Will a little research help?
Do you have the help you need?
Do you have the time you need?

With a little introspection, I realized the pressure I was putting on myself was to be perfect coming out the gate. I didn't want to type a word, or drop in a picture on the site, unless it was 'perfect.'

Identifying what was holding me back was half the battle - I could now work on fixing my hangup. I know I'm a perfectionist and it consistently holds me back from getting more accomplished. Do you ever find yourself saying: 'I wont do it until I know I can do it 'right'" or "it's not done until it's perfect.'" Well then, we have something in common!

But what is perfect anyway? Does EVERY task require the excellence needed to launch a rocket or perform brain surgery? To me, perfection means more than without flaw - it's a higher standard than anything else out there, excellence cubed, if you will. Even though I know these are unreasonable expectations, I continually fight the same battle repeatedly for the most mundane, unimportant tasks.

So this afternoon, I talked myself down from the perfectionist ledge:

Striving for perfection is keeping me from progress and the level of production of which I believe I'm capable. Because I want to do it 'right' I may not get anything done at all, which is unacceptable! Perfectionism may bog me down on one thing so long I cant move on to anything else, which is impractical. To move beyond perfection, I need to look at the overall goal, and constantly prioritize what is, and is not, truly important. So start. Start somewhere. (I can usually change it later if needed.)

Unless I remind myself to change my thinking patterns to focus on what's really important, the perfectionist ideal will be illusive, even pernicious, to the ultimate goal of progress and production. I can do many things well, as we all can, but I wont get anything done at all if I strive for the impossible!